Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
