My nipple is on Facebook.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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