last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
