I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
