Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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