There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
