respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
