he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
