i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
