Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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