i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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