Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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