the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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