Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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