I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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