I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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