New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
