that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
