the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize