3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
