No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ttyl tear gas
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My life is pants optional.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
