Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
