I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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