he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
