I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize