I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
