then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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