ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
