id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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