You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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