no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
