party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
