I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize