i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
