hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
