Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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