I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
