I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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