fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
