If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
