Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
