We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
