We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
