your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm like, not good at living.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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