I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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