Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
