Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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