You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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