May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
