my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
