meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
