i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
