Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
