these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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