Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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