I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
