As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
