Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
