I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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