Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize