And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
