Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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