She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
