i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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