mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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