My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
