Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
