1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
