Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
