I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got inside last night via doggy door
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
