2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
