Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
