I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize